It’s that time of year when I’m tempted to set New Year’s resolutions! This makes me CRAZY (or it used to)! I’d look at all the things I hadn’t fixed in the previous 12 months and I’d get stern and militant with myself, thinking that if I tried harder next year, it would be different. I’d feel all this false inner strength and I’d get really excited about what was possible but with no real acknowledgment of why I hadn’t succeeded the previous year. Looking back now I recognise massive flaws in this approach and the punishment inherent in it. No wonder it didn’t work!
And it made me feel like a failure.
However, I did learn something. I learned that what I was really after was permanent, positive change, that failure is an inherent part of this process and that short term fixes never really address this.
My relationship to failure became very dysfunctional. Instead of thinking – “Oh well, that didn’t work, let me find another solution”, I told myself “You’re hopeless, you should have tried harder, you give up too easily, you haven’t got what it takes, etc, etc, etc!”. I put myself into a prison of self-recrimination I almost couldn’t get out of.
Now, I would say I’m becoming the master of failure! I’ve totally reframed my context of what failure is. I am learning to fail successfully. It’s still not easy but I’ve been through it often enough that I know the pitfalls, and I’m creating strategies to deal with them. Things like seeing new behaviours as an “experiment” rather than something I must succeed at; changing my language so that I’m doing what works rather than what’s right/wrong or good/bad; and delving deeper into my psyche to uncover the web of lies I’ve told myself about why I can’t have what I want! This is a biggie!
Now I help my clients do this too. A successful change strategy requires a failure strategy. You must expect to fail! Knowing you will and having your contingency plan, helps you to make friends with failure or at least, become far less afraid of it.
Coaching is what saved me. Through coaching I gained the gifts of awareness, exquisite kindness and long-lasting change. It’s through my personal development path that I re-learned forgiveness and compassion for myself.
So now as I contemplate 2015 it’s from a very different space to what it used to be. My questions now are:
- How can I be more loving and of service?
- How can I be bolder and if I was what would I be creating?
- What, in my heart and soul, do I truly want?
These are magnificent questions to ponder at this beautiful, refreshing time of year when it feels like we have a clean slate. In fact we do – today is the first day of the rest of your life!!
Happy New Year to your lovely self,
Brenda
If you need to kick start your healthy change strategy, please come and visit. A few sessions may be all you need to discover why you “fell off the wagon” and how to get back on again. It’s much easier when you’re not on your own.
Some resources for you:
If you’re trying to lose weight and you’re having a hell of a time, perhaps this radio interview will help. It’s all about food addiction: Click the link: Food Addiction
I suggest you don’t watch the news or read everyday gossip magazines. Read Mindfood magazine for lots of inspiration. Click here to go to their website.
Energetic medicines, homeopathics, Bach flower medicines and essential oils can be extremely helpful in shifting your emotions. Talk to me about this at your next visit.
