Hey! Did you achieve everything you wanted to achieve last year?
Were your expectations of yourself fulfilled?
If not, are you beating yourself up for it?
Is your passion for creating new goals this year driven by a need to escape a feeling of being a failure? What are you really hungry for?
I recently really needed to deeply contemplate these questions.
I achieved a lot last year and yet over the year end / new year period, I felt so damn dissatisfied and disappointed! I was so over the uncertainty in my life and I really, really wanted to escape it. I noticed I was becoming an ungrateful bitch much of the time and there was this constant nagging thought that nothing was good enough. I wasn’t good enough and my life wasn’t good enough the way it was! Maybe I really am a failure.
Being human, I fell into the temptation of blaming everyone and everything else, as you do! There was a sweet, poisonous relief in making is someone else’s fault and not having to accept responsibility for it. My desire to escape the feelings of vitriol, bitterness and resentment made me do and say things I’m not proud of. It’s so easy to hurt people when you think you’re not getting what you want and they are the reason for it. I SO get why relationships end!
I am hugely grateful for all the personal development work I have done in the past which really helped me see that the source of this miasm of negativity and toxicity was old, incomplete pain from the past. I recognised the negative attitudes and thoughts that are now redundant.
Also, if you live with someone who has self respect and wisdom and you really do love them, then taking it out on them isn’t going to last too long! They stand up for themselves and fight back (for which I am so grateful).
I had to do some serious soul searching through all this drama. I really did want the “tanty” to end. I didn’t really want to sabotage everything I’ve worked so hard for. Eventually I decided to go and see my spiritual mentor who helped me get back into my heart. Having the love and support of mentors in your life is absolutely critical if you want to live an extraordinary life.
I have decided to do the work of healing the wounds of the past and so my journey in 2013 will include that. Along with my personal goals for 2013 – fitness, health, wealth, etc – I am also including – wisdom (instead of tantrums!), curiosity (rather than anger!), love (instead of judgement!) and peace (instead of hell!) and I already have a plan for who I need to see to achieve that. Life is a journey isn’t it!
To your happiness! XXOO
